During the COVID-19 pandemic, a family took advantage of low cruise ship prices and booked a trip. The journey became challenging when one of the ship’s propeller motors failed, causing delays and canceled port stops. While many passengers expressed frustration, this particular family felt grateful simply to be on board after nearly missing the departure due to a flat tire on their rental car.
The author, who studies gratitude, explained that this experience changed their perspective. “For the rest of the trip, we were just grateful to be there. Missing a few ports? No big deal compared to missing the ship entirely.”
The article explores how people can feel thankful not only for positive events but also for negative outcomes that were avoided—a concept referred to as “beneficial absences.” This involves recognizing moments when things could have gone wrong but did not, or when others chose not to criticize or intervene unnecessarily.
Philosophers call these imagined alternatives “counterfactuals,” which are scenarios that could have happened but didn’t. The author notes: “The ability to engage in what-if thinking may be one of the unique and creative features of the human mind. It gives us the capacity to learn from our mistakes, and as we consider what we could have done differently, it helps us improve.”
However, such thinking can sometimes lead to regret if focused on missed opportunities rather than avoided disasters. When used constructively—what the author calls CBAD (“could have been a disaster”) thinking—it can increase feelings of gratitude. Research cited by the author indicates that reflecting on narrowly avoided misfortunes makes people more thankful than simply recalling happy experiences.
The article also highlights situations where withholding criticism or advice is an act worthy of gratitude. For example: “The parent who held their tongue instead of criticizing. The partner or friend who withheld judgment when you’re not at your best behavior.” In some cases, employees appreciated supervisors’ leniency when they recognized it was motivated by kindness.
Additionally, respecting someone’s autonomy by refraining from giving unsolicited help or advice is described as another form of beneficial absence. The author writes: “These are all opportunities to be grateful to the people around us — especially when we recognize that it’s easy to give advice and help, but it takes wisdom to stay silent.”
To cultivate gratitude for these invisible positives in life, readers are encouraged to reflect on times they narrowly avoided negative outcomes or received grace through restraint from others.
In summary, gratitude can extend beyond visible acts and tangible gifts; it can include appreciation for disasters avoided and for moments when others chose not to act.
